Wednesday, December 24, 2014

Return of the Light, turn of the Seasons

Here in Minnesota we are having a brown Christmas, in contrast to last year when I thought I might be stuck at the house, unable to get out due to the snow storm. Grey skies are not my favorite weather. I consider myself a Mediterranean girl and in Minnesota by default. Or that is to say, by way of love for my grandsons. And once I accepted that I was here to stay for a period of time, have made my home here, there was the realization of dreams come true, the many wonderful opportunities of living in a culturally vibrant community, the joy of my spiritual community, the ability to get medical insurance immediately so I could take care of the necessary hip replacements, the circles that I am part of and the work I believe in that we do.

Is it possible to love the Light within so much, so deeply, so constantly, that the weather outside is nothing more than that: weather, subject to change, a condition? Is it possible to hold both the thought and acknowledgment that the weather is probably a sign of climate change and all the repercussions coming more quickly than we had imagined and still hold to the belief that we humans are creating a better world of generosity, peace, and interconnectedness? Can I behold the good and the bad, the light and shadow, at the same time and not choose sides, simply allow them to each whisper to me something sacred, something wise, something true? Can I hold my light no matter the cost of what has been demanded from me in my life: the losses, the grief, the regret, the pain, the betrayals, the disappointments, the fall and the failures, the struggle and the shame? Didn’t Jacob wrestle with the Angel until the Angel had to put his hip out of its socket in order to escape? And wasn’t that a blessing, a reminder daily with each step he took, that he encountered that Angel, that he demanded to be blessed, that he received that blessing and it could never be taken away? His life was changed, he was transformed. 

I have been blessed by such a bountiful generous universe, blessed with love and the ability to have my heart break over and over and yet be stitched back together, to choose joy despite the weather report. I have been blessed with work I love to do and the ability to get up out of bed, get where I need to go, and find waiting for me inspiration, kindness, cooperation, conversation, order in the midst of chaos, meaning in the midst of suffering, light in the midst of darkness.

I have been blessed with the memories of heat and warm beaches and a brilliant aquamarine sea stretching before me and nothing to do but enjoy a meal, a friend by my side. And I have been blessed with sorrow that lets me know I am human, I have loved fiercely, I will never let go of the love I have known but I will let go of my ghosts, my regrets and my stubborn refusals. I say Yes. I say Yes. I say Yes. To the rain, which reminds me of how much I love the sun but still I carry the sun perpetually within me, a heart beat away.

May this days of holy time for reflection grace you with replenishment of your oil, whatever that means to you: family or friends around a table sharing a meal and laughter and stories, quietude and rest, music and singing along, a fire in the hearth, a belief in miracles which never ends.

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