Cultivating Resiliency

We've learned by now that this is not a sprint but a long stretch. I hope we have settled into a new way of doing things, from taking only necessary trips to the grocery store to handling online learning and working from home to watching our church service live-streamed to finding ways to keep ourselves healthy in mind, body and spirit. I imagine many of us are feeling confined and some of us are in situations that are unpleasant and perhaps even dangerous. My heart goes out to those people in difficult life circumstances.

I think about the incarcerated writers in my classes. They know what it means to be confined. Writing is one of the ways they cope. Faith in something bigger than yourself is another. Keeping your body active, even if it means stretching in your cell/bedroom, is another. A sense of humor and a desire to grow are all part of dealing with the reality of confinement.

Most of us have multiple ways to cope: our devices for entertainment and to stay connected, books on our shelves, board games, art supplies, cooking supplies, backyard gardens, and of course, the phone. I have started a practice of calling someone in my contact list or someone I would normally see on a regular basis just to say hello and remind them they matter to me.

Resiliency can be cultivated by practicing those things that fill up our souls. This might be meditation and prayer, singing in a choir or in the shower, a community of like-minded people (now online rather than in person), gardening and being in nature, play and imagination, reading uplifting messages and affirmations, and writing or journaling our thoughts and feelings.

I am going to suggest that if you journal, remember to write long enough that you can make a shift. What lesson have you learned, what is the meaning of your experience, how has it made you who you are? What part of your experience would you not give up and did you grow in understanding or awareness?

Here are a few tips to use your writing as a springboard for deepening insight:

If you were to write about your experience today of social distancing, what aspect of the experience gives you the most calm, a sense of being present, or a feeling of plugging in to something greater?

Is that experience dependent on your body being engaged, still, or focused? Is it dependent on paying attention or dropping into a flow state of concentrated awareness and creativity? It is allowing  instead of complaining? Is it something you can repeat when you start to feel overwhelmed or is it something you can recall?

What aspect has been hardest and what has been easiest?
What creative solutions have you used and what has become a milestone along your path?

Research on positive states of mind demonstrate that our default mode when something difficult or painful happens, such as fear or conflict, is to ruminate over and over, creating a pathway in our minds until we either move it into our prefrontal cortext by naming and examining it or we find a solution such as to run away or defend ourselves. When we have a positive experience of calm, contentment, gratitude, happiness, satisfaction, love, and joy, etc, we can notice and pay attention to the moment instead of letting it slip away. Then we can also recall these moments back to mind when we are having a rough time. The recollection of the positive emotion can rewire our brains.

One way to remember a moment is to write it down. Describe it using sensual details such as sounds, scents, smells, or colors. For example today when I took a walk in the park, I noticed that the sun felt warm and the breeze was cool. I sat down by the splash pad and recalled when the kids were there, shrieking with delight as they ran in and out of the sprays of water, how happy it made me feel to witness their joy. I could hear their laughter and feel the spray of cool water as they ran past. Or look at the photo below and write what memories it evokes.